maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
