And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
