never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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