I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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