love makes seman taste better
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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