Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
