Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
