You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
