The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
