im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
