Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
