If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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