I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
