This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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