DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
