My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
