just tell him i said nine months
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
