She is in my trunk
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
