how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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