Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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