Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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