you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
