I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
