So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
