Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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