Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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