Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
