1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
