Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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