My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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