so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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