OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
