maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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