It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Be still, my beating vagina.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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