we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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