Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
