hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
did i walk over a car last night?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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