i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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