I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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