There was a lot of him and a little penis
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
