69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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