i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
