If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
