How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
