Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
