you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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