thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
