oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
