I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
