he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
