All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
