I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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