Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
