Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
