Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We're too hungover to prance.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
